Update

hello there. it's been 4 months since my last post. i have soo many to blog about. but i rather keep it shout nowadays. nahhh. i'm just bored to share everything i guess.

in the last 4 moths. a lot of things happened actually. happiness, sadness, stress etc. last week my grandmother or i refer her as 'tok' passed away. now i lost both of my grandmother. the sad thing is, tak sempat nak kahwin sementara diorang masih ada. eceh. that is,of course not the main thing.

lately lot of my friends are getting married. honestly, lots of pressure. well my best friend in skmh, stf and utm semua dah kahwin. i attended all of their weddings. sarah and ikhwani, i attended their nikah ceremony; where i witnessed their moments of 'debaran' i would say.it's a nice, full of emotional feelings..

i'm trying to ask myself; why do i want to  get married? is it just because all of my friends now are getting/already married, or i want the same attention as them or what? i specifically can't/don't know how to answer that q.

I HONESTLY DON'T KNOW WHY I SHOULD GET MARRIED. It's just simple, when you dont know, it just mean you're not ready. ALLAH know's i'm not ready.

well, i cant lie. sometime i do have the 'motherly' feelings when i look at cute babies/or my little cousie. but is that just it?i want a baby. so i have to get married. err. not a strong reason.

I have the guts to ask a Ustazah for my q. she said that everything you do, you have to turn the reasons to ALLAH. Nak kahwin kerana ALLAH, pergi kerja kerana ALLAH, tidur/makan kerana ALLAH. really? i just wonder berapa ramai yang kahwin skg niat kerana ALLAH? No wonder penceraian kat Malaysia makin meningkat. sebab x letak ALLAH yang utama ke?

and I honestly sick and tired of some girls reasons, on why they choose their husband. "Oh sebab dia caring, faham kehendak saya, boleh diharap, gaji pon banyak boleh lah tahan. Oh dia ada PhD, family dia bukan calang-calang"..and etc.

mmg nak kahwin kena ada ciri-ciri camtu. tapi berapa ramai yang akan jawab, suami saya seorang yang boleh membimbing saya ke jalan yang benar, boleh jadi imam bila bersolat, boleh betulkan bacaan mengaji saya... etc. ada ke?hurm.. renung-renungkan.

mungkin ini juga sebab kenapa aku x rasa nak kahwin lagi. aku x jumpa orang yang betul2 boleh pimpin aku yang keras kepala. tapi kalau nak suami mcm ustaz, diri sendiri pon kena la betulkan. laki-laki yang baik adalah untuk perempuan yang baik2.etc.

 skg aku sedang nak memahami, bagaimana mencintai seseorang kerana ALLAH S.W.T... yang lebih agung, kita cinta ALLAH dari makhluk2 yang lain. tapi mcm mana? cukup ke solat 5 waktu?cukup ke dgn zikir je? hmm...

lepas cinta ALLAH pula, kita kena cinta Nabi Muhammad S.AW.. yang ni pulak mcm mane? mcm mane nak bercinta dengan org yang tidak pernah kita tatap wajah/lihatnya? a good question though. cukup ke dengan berselawat ke atas nabi shj??

tapi zaman skg aku lihat..ramai yg sayang bf/suami, gf/isteri, ibu bapa or anak2 lebih dari segalanya. sayang lagi kereta mewah, banglo, and segala benda harta yang x akan kekal kat dunia ni.

mmg kita ckp kita cinta ALLAH dari yang lain, tapi apa buktinya?tergamam kan.kesimpulannya, nak cinta ALLAH,Rasul, and makhluk ALLAH kita kena ada ilmu. and sekarang, aku tg berusaha untuk memahami kejadian/peraturan ALLAH mengenai cinta ini. moga dipermudahkan amin