deeply inside

ibadah

2012-01-11T10:17:00.000+08:00

Bahawa ALLAH S.W.T pernah berfirman,

" Dan tidaklah Aku jadikan manusia melainkan semata-mata untuk beribadat kepadaKu ".

kemudian aku terfikir sejenak. maksudnya hidup ini hanya sembahyang, baca Al-Quran dan selawat saja kah?

kemudian aku pulak pergi sign borang opsyen 60 tahun.

bila masa nya aku nak wat byk2 ibadah kalau dah tua keropot pun kena pergi kerja.

kejahilan aku mula terserlah bila aku menyangka bahawa ibadah kepada Allah hanya meliputi solat, puasa, zikir dan sebagainya.

sebenarnya hari-hari setiap masa pun adalah ibadat sekiranya kita punya niat yang betul.

pergi kerja misalnya. kalau pagi2 niat pergi kerja kerana ALLAH, itu sudah merupakan satu ibadah. bila kita niat semua kerana ALLAH dan hanya mengutamakan pandangan ALLAH, kita tidak peduli sekiranya bos kita puji atau kita dimaki atau sebaliknya. yg kita kisah, hanya pandangan ALLAH. yg kita kisah, kita sudah lakukan yang terbaik tanpa perlu sanjungan atau pujian dari orang lain. Pangkat, gaji dan sebagainya adalah additional value sahaja. Amat berbeza orang yang bekerja kerana gaji dan orang yang bekerja kerana ALLAH.

Bila kita bekerja kerana gaji, kita cepat mengeluh, cepat complain, cepat marah bila disuruh itu ini, cepat sangat fikiran negatif hinggap di minda.

tetapi, bila bekerja kerana ALLAH, kerana tanggungjawab yang diberi, kita akan merasa ketenangan di hati. segala masalah dapat ditangani. stress atau tekanan kita tak rasa sangat. adapun mungkin cuma keletihan sahaja. yang penting kita puas, apabila kita niat kerana ALLAH.

jadi, bagi yang akan bekerja 20-30 tahun lagi adalah amat rugi sekiranya kita bekerja tetapi niat kita salah. jadi, marila sama2 kita audit diri balik. apa selama ini kita bekerja kerana apa?pangkat?gaji?

atau sekadar menunggu jam untuk pulang?

banyak lagi jenis2 ibadah yang kita boleh lakukan, walau senyuman pada orang pun satu sedekah, memandang wajah ibu bapa merupakan satu rahmat,apatah lagi berbuat baik kepada mereka. ALLAH telah memberikan kita banyak peluang untuk kita beribdah, rugilah kalau kita hidup di dunia hanya untuk berseronok dan mengejar kebendaan semata-semata....

100th post

2012-01-04T09:59:00.000+08:00

it's my 100th post
happy new year everyone.
so what's your new year resolutions?
i have a few; i suppose.

1) start saving money (in coins) where i actually bought myself a 'tabung' full of disney's characters of princesses. then only i found it nonsense when housemate said how childish i am. haha ;p

2) cook at least 3 times in a week. in order to polish my cooking skill ehem ehem

3) sleep at least at 11.00 pm on working days. well, i'm not a late night person. i usually slept after perfoming maghrib prayers; usually when i'm too hectic working.pathetic? i know.

4)starts eating more ulam and vegetables. i finally discovered that i prefer ulam rather than sayur mayur kucai. bluwek tak suka sayur. tapi ulam susa nak cari. so i guess i have to swallow jugakla kan. my level of protein is too high.

5)i'm still searching for the fifth resolution. hehe

for me, it's okay to have resolutions once and all. i mean, all these years i never really have one. really list them all. but i guess i need a bench mark or target, to achieve something. everyone wants to be better. be a better Muslim, a better daughter, a better worker, a better friend. but when do we start?only on new year's eve? naaah. we can start this minute, this second. we can change, whenever we like, but of course to be better. being better to everyone, to Allah will retrieve a positive and better energy in our minds, the way we react. this new year, i will try to stop every negativity taught in my mind. i somehow want to see all the good thing in people, stop judging others and clearly i want to live my life better.

i want 2012 to be a starrter for me, to be a better person who hopes more in Allah rather than people. who put Allah in everything i do. and basically 2012 i want to be a good motivator, not just for myself but to my family and friends as well. welcome 2012, i'm so ready for u! :)

daulat tuanku!

2011-12-13T11:29:00.000+08:00

baginda dikatakan Sultan yang paling kacak di Tanah Melayu

aku tidak nafikan kekacakannya. lihatlah muka ku yang tersipu-sipu kali pertama aku bertentang mata dengan baginda.

sampai tak tidur malam aku dibuatnya.

exam

2011-12-12T16:42:00.000+08:00

for what i have done

i will always regret

why can't i think hard for every steps that i take?

life is like answering the exam's questions

if u didn't think before u answer,

u will answer it wrongly perhaps,

and if there's too many wrong answers

than the right ones

u will eventually fail.

on top of that, u will fail in life.

i felt suddenly i'm failing again. not in exams.

but eventually in handling my llife.

God, give me some strength.

ombak rindu

2011-12-12T08:20:00.000+08:00

baru je tgk ombak rindu last weekend

tapi aku tak nanges pon. hehe

either hati aku dah kering atau aku x minat aaron aziz.

or; mybe both.

2011

2011-12-05T11:05:00.009+08:00

pejam mata, buka mata. now we're in december.

within weeks, we'll say hello 2012 goodbye 2011.

apparently 11 will always be my favourite number.

on top of that 2011 I would say is the most challenging, full of surprises,

full of despair and happiness year.

early january, me and my family was still in shocking mode, where my aunt Mak Tam died of cancer on December 2010. not much of happiness, i was quite busy handling my master thesis,

entitled Database of Cemetery.. which kindda all related to death. did my survey job at the cemetery..

my mind was actually looking inside the graves, thinking bout death.

yet january also give me a surprise when i was called for the job interview by JPA. grateful, yet i'm still blurry

bout what i should become.

april would be the busiest month in 2011. i haven't finished my master's yet then JPA offered me the job. i praised to ALLAH, felt thankful for all the blessing's i received. i went to part time mode, struggle between classes, assignments final thesis and dissertation while still working. untill now i still cant or do not know how i did it. i guess when we pushed ourself really hard, we can never expect how far we can be.alhamdulliah again.

months goes by, and on june alhamdulillah all of my family went to Mecca and Medina to perform umrah.

one of experience, that i can never ever expect the magical there when i was standing in front of Kaabah.

feeling so small, so tiny in front of ALLAH'S almighty power. witnessing the Tanah Haram, visiting the Makam of Nabi Muhamad S.A.W made me speechless. no words can describe how peaceful we are there.

to all my friends out there, to know and learn to love our prophet Nabi Muhammad S.A.W u should go and visit his makam. honeslty u will feel much closer to him, the most greatest human ALLAH has made.

between july, august and september i attended so many weedings for this year. i went to kelantan twice for ain and che an's wedding. went to pasir gudang for my bestie's wedidng ikhwani and a few friends around kl.

i'm happy and always thrilled to be with my stfians friends. we always laugh so loudly, tease each other. and yes stf spirit is always with us. glad to be part of them.

as the shiny full of happiness months comes by, then suddenly rainy weather came to my life. being test about relationship by ALLAH have always been in my life for the last 4-5 years. i ended my relationship with mr. sincere, after 2 years we've been together. saying out loud here is not something i would like to do. but hearing all the rumours bad about me, making me feel worst about myself. only i, myself knows why we both break up. some people are lucky to get married (jodoh panjang) and some people like me, mybe this is the end of us.

enuff about pain and heartbreak.when i say enuf is enuf. i would rather jump out of the relationship and be happy with my family, friends and work. everything happened for a reason, and the most important of all, it's ALLAH's fate.

and so now december come by with a lot of hope, a lot of courage and love. i wish 2012 i would be a better person insya ALLAH.

outstation

2011-11-20T13:23:00.000+08:00

i can be in three states in two days.

i'm tired,

but overwhelmed.

Allah has answered my prayers.

Alhamdulillah.

gifts

2011-10-27T14:28:00.000+08:00

last week was my convocation.. gambar konvo takde lagi, still waiting from munirah to give the full cd..

so degan poyonye kat sini saje je nak tayang hadiah yg aku dpt sempena konvo. hehe. sbb masa degree i only received a bunch of flowers from mama and abah.. this year mcm dpt triple plak. so haruslah triple eksaited. haha.

pink roses from my bff ayya, cute small teddy bear from my bestie mawar, and the other one from anum who came during my convo, thanks anum!

and here's my two teddy bears. i love them,. one i received from mama and the other one from him who cant be named yet. :)

and here's my fav part. i like to tuck them together and i think they really look cute. peneman ku dikala kesepian! haha

so, basically i want to thank everyone who had been helping throughout my journey, one year doing master is full of hectic and stress.

thanks again everyone for this thoughtful gifts.they meant a lot to me :)

the middle sibling

2011-10-18T12:21:00.000+08:00

this morning I was tuning the radio, then I came to an interesting topic: the middle sibling, is it the most responsible one?

haha. so lots of the listeners responded, some of them agreed some of them did not.

to me being the second child in the family, I can learn a lot with the do's and don't.

however I couldn't agree more with the term when one of the deejay rephrased

"The middle sibling tend to be most responsible, however there are the most disturbed and the weird one among all"

Well. My sister said I'm the most rebellious one, and I'm not scared to stand for what I want in front of my parents. she said the others are quite scared and usually nods in everything my parents said.

Quite true. There's pro's and cons with this. growing up I realized somehow I have different perspectives from my mother especially.

and the deejay said that the first born is usually the MOST-LOVED-ONE because yeah, they're the first and they usually GET EVERYTHING NEW. when the second child pops out, then came the third one and usually the second one will be left with no love! hahaha. I will say my sister and I are only 1 year gap. so? no comment. [but i believe my parents love all of us equally :) ]

and they said the youngest will be the MOST-GOOD LOOKING -ONE. I'll agree with this too. my little brother have the perfect eyes and nose. I honestly don't' know where he got all this pretty genes. pfffft.

spot my GOOD-LOOKING BROTHER. he obviously look like the Arabians.

how's your work? #2

2011-10-10T16:05:00.001+08:00

saya: byk kali sgt awak dtg lewat ni. time office hours pun awk jarang ada (ngular,ngeteh, ngopi). kenapa eh?

encik X: oh kdg2 motor sy rosak, pastu kdg2 hujan.. kdg2 tayar pancit... mase sy kat ofis cik xperasan pulak, bila sy xde cik perasan..blablabla..

saya: boleh sy tanya satu soalan?

encik X: boleh je byk pon xpe cik

saya: encik solat 5 waktu?

encik X: eh solatla. tapi kdg2 biasa la lopong sana sini.

saya: ohhh ok *speechless*

what do u expect? kalau peraturan ALLAH pon dia tak boleh ikut.. peraturan yang dibuat manusia apatah tah tah lah lagi.

friday, 7th October 10.10 a.m

2011-10-07T10:12:00.000+08:00

weddings

2011-10-05T09:15:00.000+08:00

i just love weddings
it gives us lot of reasons to laugh, be happy.

pic taken from yanti's tweet. enjoy every moment u have with your friends, you're gonna miss it one day. believe me.

how's your work? #1

2011-10-04T13:15:00.001+08:00

sedar tak sedar dah 6 bulan aku keje kat Jabatan (Can Not be Named).Alhamdulillah, aku bersyukur sebab dapat peluang kerja kat sini. menimba pengalaman..as we knew. "experience is the best teacher"

aku teringat lagi bila mula-mula masuk. oh my, segan nya. tak ku sangka di bawah aku yang berpangkat X36-X17 ada dalam 25 orang. gulppp. semua peringkat umur ada, yang nak pencen and sekitar lewat 20-an.

ini membuatkan aku agak 'segan' + 'gementar' nak kawal orang yang jauh lebih tua and berpengalaman. honestly mula2 masuk dulu ingatkan kita kena wat kerja ofis je, rupa-rupanya tak. aku kena kawal selia kakitangan yang ada dari segi disiplin, keluar ,masuk. ohhh my.

semua orang tahu budaya kerja kerajaan mcm mna. gaya kerja santai/relaks mmg dah sinonim. lain sgt dgn kerja kat private. aku pernah kerja kat private. honestly, nak buka fb sgt2 susa. ade je org HR yang akan maki ko free2 je..plus nak keluar pon susa. tapi klw kerajaan, it's opposite.

but i don't really blame them. because bila kau sendiri dah jadi di kalangan orang yang kena kutuk skg, baru akan faham. kdg2 kerja di tangan tak banyak. gaji sama je tiap2 bulan, x kira ko lebih rajin, kurang rajin or tak rajin. klw nak harapkan OT pun, tak banyak. berbeza denga private, maybe prestasi itu adalah kayu ukur gaji korang..so dats why every minute and second really counts.

aku pernah terdengar satu perbualan kat lif...ada org ni ckp "Ala..wat pe kerja rajin2..bukannya gaji rm5K pon..."

see. that's why la kerja kerajaan ni. mcm kurang motivation skit. sebab dok buat kerja sama je tiap2 tahun, plus gaji tak selalu naik and bonus pon klw dapat ciput je... tu pon ade jugak suara2 sumbang yang tak puas hati org kerajaan dpt bonus. FYI, kalau kerja private bonus boleh capai 3-4 bulan gaji kan?org kerajaan kdg2 bonus 1/2 bulan gaji je huhuhu.

tapi tujuan aku tulis ni bukan la nak banding beza kerajaan dan swasta. bagi aku paling penting niat. klw niat nak bekerja kerana ALLAH, cari rezeki yang halal aku rasa kerja mana2 sama sahaja...

ok now, till then.. i'll share to you anything about my work yang aku rasa sesuai untuk jadi pengajaran. Insya ALLAH

Update

2011-10-04T12:46:00.000+08:00

hello there. it's been 4 months since my last post. i have soo many to blog about. but i rather keep it shout nowadays. nahhh. i'm just bored to share everything i guess.

in the last 4 moths. a lot of things happened actually. happiness, sadness, stress etc. last week my grandmother or i refer her as 'tok' passed away. now i lost both of my grandmother. the sad thing is, tak sempat nak kahwin sementara diorang masih ada. eceh. that is,of course not the main thing.

lately lot of my friends are getting married. honestly, lots of pressure. well my best friend in skmh, stf and utm semua dah kahwin. i attended all of their weddings. sarah and ikhwani, i attended their nikah ceremony; where i witnessed their moments of 'debaran' i would say.it's a nice, full of emotional feelings..

i'm trying to ask myself; why do i want to get married? is it just because all of my friends now are getting/already married, or i want the same attention as them or what? i specifically can't/don't know how to answer that q.

I HONESTLY DON'T KNOW WHY I SHOULD GET MARRIED. It's just simple, when you dont know, it just mean you're not ready. ALLAH know's i'm not ready.

well, i cant lie. sometime i do have the 'motherly' feelings when i look at cute babies/or my little cousie. but is that just it?i want a baby. so i have to get married. err. not a strong reason.

I have the guts to ask a Ustazah for my q. she said that everything you do, you have to turn the reasons to ALLAH. Nak kahwin kerana ALLAH, pergi kerja kerana ALLAH, tidur/makan kerana ALLAH. really? i just wonder berapa ramai yang kahwin skg niat kerana ALLAH? No wonder penceraian kat Malaysia makin meningkat. sebab x letak ALLAH yang utama ke?

and I honestly sick and tired of some girls reasons, on why they choose their husband. "Oh sebab dia caring, faham kehendak saya, boleh diharap, gaji pon banyak boleh lah tahan. Oh dia ada PhD, family dia bukan calang-calang"..and etc.

mmg nak kahwin kena ada ciri-ciri camtu. tapi berapa ramai yang akan jawab, suami saya seorang yang boleh membimbing saya ke jalan yang benar, boleh jadi imam bila bersolat, boleh betulkan bacaan mengaji saya... etc. ada ke?hurm.. renung-renungkan.

mungkin ini juga sebab kenapa aku x rasa nak kahwin lagi. aku x jumpa orang yang betul2 boleh pimpin aku yang keras kepala. tapi kalau nak suami mcm ustaz, diri sendiri pon kena la betulkan. laki-laki yang baik adalah untuk perempuan yang baik2.etc.

skg aku sedang nak memahami, bagaimana mencintai seseorang kerana ALLAH S.W.T... yang lebih agung, kita cinta ALLAH dari makhluk2 yang lain. tapi mcm mana? cukup ke solat 5 waktu?cukup ke dgn zikir je? hmm...

lepas cinta ALLAH pula, kita kena cinta Nabi Muhammad S.AW.. yang ni pulak mcm mane? mcm mane nak bercinta dengan org yang tidak pernah kita tatap wajah/lihatnya? a good question though. cukup ke dengan berselawat ke atas nabi shj??

tapi zaman skg aku lihat..ramai yg sayang bf/suami, gf/isteri, ibu bapa or anak2 lebih dari segalanya. sayang lagi kereta mewah, banglo, and segala benda harta yang x akan kekal kat dunia ni.

mmg kita ckp kita cinta ALLAH dari yang lain, tapi apa buktinya?tergamam kan.kesimpulannya, nak cinta ALLAH,Rasul, and makhluk ALLAH kita kena ada ilmu. and sekarang, aku tg berusaha untuk memahami kejadian/peraturan ALLAH mengenai cinta ini. moga dipermudahkan amin

penghijrahan

2011-06-20T12:26:00.000+08:00

unutk tajuk di atas, aku bersyuku sangat2 doa aku dkabulkan, doa ibuku juga..adikku,piah kini sudah mula bertudung. it's a good start. kini dia sedang menjalani chambering di AG, and i deeply am feel proud of her. congrats sis!

my sister piah with her new hijab

so, sabtu lepas aku pun teman la piah gi jalan TAR untuk borong tudung. mmg bila dah start pakai tudung ni aku galakkan dia beli banyak2 so that dia tak cilok tudung aku lagi. hahaha. yelah, since kecik lagi kami dah share baju, seluar and etc..so perebutan dan bertempik tuh dah selalu sgt berlaku. siap ade security check lagi, which is i always check her luggage first bila dia nak balik kolej ke..takot2 baju aku ade terselit.hehe. and she does that to me as well!

so balik la pada cerita asal. kami pergi jalan TAR, and well aku nampak mata piah yang sepet akibat kepanasan tengahari tu jadi semakin membulaT dan rambang! hahaha. mmg bulat la mata, macam2 kaler and fesyen, design. nak hana tajima ke, rina salleh ke,shawl crumple ke, tudung penyu ke.. u name it. ade je. and murah,of coz.

but then aku and adik aku sampai ke satu kedai ni.wahh.canti betul dia gantung tudung owning; siap ikut tone kaler. mata piah berkedip-kedip. saiz S dalam rm15. then i said to her, u can grab one or two. tak rugi. (niat asal memang nak beli di kedai itu)

tapi kemudian aku notis penjual ini (kakak) tak berapa friendly. bila aku pegang tudung yang ada dalam plastik(aku sentuh je, bukan sepahkan pu ok.).. then she said.

kakak: adik, kalau nak tudung yang mana,tunjuk je,,jangan pegang2 yang dalam plastik ini ok??adik tunjuk je nanti akak amik kan.

ayat nya tersusun baik. tapi agak menyinggung hatiku. alahai, aku customer yang confirm nak beli kot..kalau aku selak and belek2, aku rase ko tak rugi kot.

then aku berbisik kat piah." piah cepat la pilih mana2 yang piah nak.. irritating pulak kakak ni." maybe piah perasan dgn raut muka ku..then dia pun kate kat kakak tadi tu.."tak jadi belilah kak.thanks."

kakak itu dengan terpinga-pinga,:eh??tak jadik beli pulak ke?haiihhhh (gaya merengus).

keluar je kedai; we both was like?oh perlu ke irritating and kerek smpai mcm tuh sekali?kalau dia layan friendly sikit dia tak rugi kot.. untung lagi ada.. customer lagi ramai dtg.. tak guna kakak tu mekap tebal pun kalau muka masam and layan orang nampak mcm tak ikhlas...

then we stopped at another kedai. kedai ni depan sikit dari kedai kakak tadi. kami pun beli 4 helai kat kedai ini. reasons:

1) orang yang jual ni much much more friendly; tersenyum and ye dik, nak beli tudung?pilih la :)
2)harga lagi murah, rm10 satu tudung (dalam hati tarik nafas sgt lega coz nasib baik tak beli kat kedai kakak tadi..kalau tak, rugi kot!)
3) and the owner of the kedai, tak kisah pun kami belek2 yang ada dalam plastik.. siap tolong keluarkan lagi dalam plastik, terbongkok2. she's soo nice :)) and memang seronok membeli..serius..rasa nak beli 10 helai je then jual balik kt dlm blog (ok now i'm overacting).heheh

moral of the story.. i think i will quote what Shahiezy Sam said; "IKHLAS yang kita beri, IKHLAS jugaklah yang kita dapat. to me, kalau kita layan orang baik2..especially kalau kita ini menjual barang2, insya ALLAH orang banyak dtg sbb suka berjual beli dgn kita. kalau kerek+annoying+iiritating; confirm customer lari!

abah

2011-06-20T11:46:00.000+08:00

so yesterday was happy father's day.and i did wished my abah.

so yesterday everything about my father came through my mind.i guess i'm lucky and blessed to have a father like him. syukur pada ALLAH SW.T.

my bro, abah holding piah and messy me.

ok, nak tukar mode jadi bahasa melayu. biar ayat jadi touching sikit. (sebenarnya english aku sgt byk grammar mistakes, so better la tulis bm;hehehe).

masa aku kecik-kecik dulu, aku takut dengan abah. bukan takut.tapi sangat sangat takut. abah dulu sangat garang; tengok misainya yang lebat hitam dan mata nya yang menjegil bila aku atau adik2 aku wat hal je dah boleh menggerunkan hati. belum dengar suara marah2 lagi.hehe.

aku teringat satu peristiwa. dulu masa kecik kecik; aku takut nak pergi sekolah. masa darjah satu mesti nak menangis, meraung2. tak tau pasai pa. tapi aku ingat lagi time tu aku takut sebab masuk darjah satu je dah macam kena berdiri atas kaki sendiri. toilet kena pergi sendiri, kena beratur beli nasik sendiri, kena berjalan menuju ke kereta sendiri, takde teman-teman dah. takut seyy time tuh. akibat terlalu banyak menonton hindustan kot, aku terpengaruh dengan watak2 jahat yang suka menculik heroin..so kalau nak pi sekolah takot kena culik. (alasan yang sangat tak masuk akal time tu..hahha)

so bila dah asyik sgt menangis; mak aku pun dah tak tahan...last last sekali mak aku serah kan ku pada abah ku untuk di brain wash. oh my.. masa tu rase nak terkencing je dalam pinafore. takot. abah mula menyinga! abah baling and campak beg sekolah aku ke luar rumah. "dah, tak payah pergi sekolah! nak menangis kenapa?grow up!"

oh well since tuh jgn tanya aku kenapa; aku dah tak pernah menangis since that incident. beranikan diri jugak pergi sekolah walaupun dalm hati nak teriak je rasa.. hehe. tahan punya tahan..akhir peperiksaan aku berjaya dapat no.3 dalam kelas. dapat naik stage. and abah tersenyum. aku happy buat abah bangga. heee..

tapi now abah dah tak marah-marah lagi..well mengada-ngada kot kalau dah besar panjang nak kena tibai lagi. haha. happy father's day abah, you are indeed the best father for me :)

tribute to arwah syafiq suhairi

2011-06-07T12:38:00.003+08:00

dan aku baru perasan kebanyakan post aku ada kaitan mengenai kematian. kenapa? sebab tanpa kita sedari, satu per satu kita akn kehilangan org di sekeliling kita,.. sebab KEMATIAN dalah sesuatu yang pasti bagi yang hidup.

dan hari rabu yang lalu, aku kehilangan seorang kwn yang aku kenali hampir 5 tahun, Allahyarham Syafiq Suhairi. meninggal dalam usia yg sangat muda akibat leukimia. tapi apa boleh buat. Allah lebih menyayangi dirinya.

Arwah selepas konvokesyen di UTM (gambar diambil dari fb)

cuma yang aku terkilan aku terlambat tahu mengenai kematiannya, itupun melalui facebook. aku menangis saat aku mengetahui berita tersebut, teringat pula ketika aku melawat arwah di hospital sekitar februari yang lalu. dan tidak aku sangka itu adalah pertemuan ku yang terakhir dengannya,. snyum nya, tawanya cara percakapannya masih segar di ingatan ku.

kdg2 aku rasa kasihan kerana arwah tak sempat bekerja, lepas2 graduate je baru tahu mengenai penyakitnya dan terus dari masa ke semasa kena buat rawatan di hospital. aku tgk nasib org lain semua lain-lain. ada yang lepas grad kerja, enjoy2 (termasuk diri ku), happy sana sini..kurang mengingati mengenai kematian, mengenai ALLAH.. mengenai akhirat. semua enjoy tak ingat dunia. aku pun kdg2 alpa dgn arus dunia. sesekali bila berita kematian ini datang, ia bagai menghantuk kepala ku ke dinding. seolah-olah mengingatkan ku bahawa yang paling utama adalah kehidupan di akhirat.. bukan di duina. tapi manusia? mengejar dunia bagaikan dunia ini adalah kekal selamanya..maaf, mungkin aku sedikit emosi kerana walau arwah pergi dalam usia muda, tetapi aku masih ingat bahawa orang yang baik-baik akan selalu dijemput dahulu sebagai tetamu ALLAH..

cuma dapat aku katakan arwah seorang yang sgt tabah. tidak tergambar kesakitan pada wajahnya, tidak bersungut atau merungut. sentiasa tersenyum walaupun pada hakikatya sangat perit kesakitan yang dialaminya.

kepada sahabatku syafiq; hanya doa dan al-fatihah dariku dapat keberikan, semoga engkau tenang di sana... terima kasih, mengenali mu suatu rahmat bagiku.

p/s: ramai menyangka kematian adalah pengakhiran..tetapi kematian adalah PERMULAAN kehidupan di akhirat. mari kita renung-renungkan

random

2011-05-19T11:40:00.002+08:00

it's been two months since my last post. haha. so many things happened. and now actually i cant' believe my study life is done. now i'm working. wahhhh. sungguh x percaya.

disebabkan di ofis, facebook and twitter sudah di band; maka i'm left with my blog i guess. tp boring coz tak tau nak kate ape.

i was reading other people's blogs, and i came around with friendster tibe2. aku try log in, then i found my old blog.haha. in friendster. at that time the posts were from 2006-2008? wowww. that wat like 3-5 years ago.

i was like meeting my ownself when i was 19 or 20?and its funny the posts i made was actually much more cooler than this. haha.

and when i scroll back to my profile, ther was like so many thoughtful testimonials from my friends. testi from rini, izzah, ayyat, dynat and many more. and i think at that time our friendship is very strong. but now i began to wonder how come we are not that strong as we used to be.

i think when in study life, we begin to value our frinedhip more. tp bila dah masuk alam pekerjaan; masing2 dah ada hal sendiri and we only know about ourself thru fb n twitter thats why la kot.

and i think i don't like fb very much these days, it seems awkward klw letak wall post kt kwn2 kite, then our post would appear in time line for everybody to read.. at first it was fun..tp lama2 mcm rasa x comfortable plak bila sume org tau. hehe.

all i'm saying is, sometimes i do miss the past. i do miss the friendship i had. but i think it's never too late to make ammends. kan?

nikmat ALLAH

2011-03-23T16:27:00.002+08:00

aku bangun tidur,

ALHAMDULILLAH aku masih bernafas lagi.

aku keluar mahu bersarapan, lantas menghirup udara. itu adalah NIKMAT ALLAH.

aku melangkah ke kereta. ALHAMDULILLAH ku punya kenderaan utk ke mana2.

aku merasa makanan, ALHAMDULILLAH lidahku masih dapat merasa kelazatan, NIKMAT dari ALLAH.

Aku memandang sekeliling, makcik di kaunter tersenyum sambil menyerah kan baki wang, ALHAMDULILLAH kerana senyumannya itu memberi cahaya kasih sayang kpd ku.

aku kembali, membuat kerja2.. ALHAMDULILLAH ku punya tenaga dan ANUGERAH dari ALLAH ku gunakan sebaik baik mungkin.

ALHAMDULILLAH.

bagaimana dgn anda?sudah senaraikan nikmat-nikmat yg ada pd anda di dunia ini? mari kita sama2 musahabah diri, mensyukuri nikmat yang tidak terbatasnya diberikan drpd Pencipta kita, ALLAH S.W.T. Amin ya Rabbal Alamin. Jauhkan lah kami dari golongan yang kufur terhadap nikmatmu ya ALLAH.

matang?

2011-03-23T16:23:00.003+08:00

di sebalik kebizian pd minggu ini;

aku terfikir sejenak. mengenai makna MATANG.

apekah sebenarnye maksud MATANG? sape yg dikategorikan sebgai MATANG?

MATANG ni mksudnye serius je ke?x leh jadi kebudak-budakan?

or in other words, MATANG ni maksudnye membuat keputusan dgn serasional mungkin, tnpa melibatkan emosi atau perasaan. atau pon MATANG ni bermaksud x boleh gila2, fokus all the time, cara bercakap seperti dewasa, cara berfikir.

hmmm.smpai skg pon aku still x brape paham isu MATANG ni.

heartbeat.my

2011-03-07T19:07:00.002+08:00

i just joined this. thought of making money some money while online. hahahaha.

tribute to arwah mak tam

2011-03-05T14:07:00.003+08:00

i promise lately to myself that i wont post anything for a lil while. but some how today is a very special day, and my hands are very itchy to start typing. i guess it seems a way that i can put my thoughts and feelings.

so today is 5th of Mac. today is actually my aunt's bufday, or i called her Mak Tam. She passed away last year in December because of liver cancer, and until today my mom,me,her kids,husband, friends miss her so very much..

i still remember very clearly when i met her a few days before she died. she looked very sick,thin. when she was healthy she's like a shining star..always shining,smiling cheerfully to her relatives, nieces, and etc. when we came by her house, she's always an entertainer. it was fun to have her around. every time raya, i'm always excited to see her baju raya coz she's always looked pretty and stunnig wit her style and yet she always give us at least rm5o to her nieces and nephews as duit raya. how generous is that? and she always served us with rendang rusa and nasi lemak too.i guess this coming raya we sure gonna feel her absence though.

then again, the word, "sihat sebelum sakit"; "hidup sebelum mati" plays around in my head after her death..

she left four kids behind; nahfiz was the youngest 5 years old. it breaks my heart to see the kid sometimes wondering around to search for his mama. i remembered how he said to my mother dat;

"i asked linda (maid in the house), where's mama?then linda said; "she's upstairs dear," while her finger pointing up..but then i went upstairs to her room, to her changing room, and find her but she's not there. then only i understand linda said upstairs means mama is up in the sky... mama can see me, but i can't see her.

my mom said tears falling thru her cheeks when she heard nahfiz saying about this.. and there's one time nahfiz asked mak ngah the same thing;

"mak ngah, kenapa mama pergi tak bawak nahfiz sekali?"

and again, everyone is speechless and just hugged him. i am very sad, but who know's how the child's feeling when he lost his mother rite? (T_T)

so in fb,my eye caught what Ifi, the eldest son post something to Mak Tam;

ma. Happy bday.. Abg rindu bbm ngan mama.. Miss you so much.. Abg dah nak habis study dah ni.. Dah nak kerja.. I will dedicate my work and my earnings to you ma.. Love you.. Harap2 kita dpt jumpa lg satu hari nnt

and i almost cried reading this.

arwah mak tam and her family,pic i took from her fb. Al-Fatihah

to u guys out there, we are the most luckiest person to have our parents beside us until now, and yet we never know how it felt until we really lost them.what i'm saying is, while they are still alive, make them happy,make them proud, obey their orders, pray for them, hug them, kiss them...coz you know, one day you sure gonna miss it.

tunang,kawen,kawan kawen,tunang

2011-03-03T13:41:00.003+08:00

wahhhhh

skg kwn2 ku semua bersusun kahwin,

semua dah plan bertunang.

mmg klw bukak fb penuh invitation or berita kwn yg tunang.

hehe.

so happy for all of them.

may they live happily ever after with their partners.

p/s: mama said"kesian ank mama ni asyik dtg kenduri org je...diri sendiri bila lg?"haha. i answered,"no comment mama." teeheeee.

p/s:aku tertarik dgn status jenab di fb, dlm islam kita boleh tergopoh gapah dlm perkara ini:- bertaubat, berkahwin,bayar hutang,urus mayat,layan tetamu. hurm. maksud mmg m'dalam.

is actually very very busy

2011-03-01T14:50:00.003+08:00

ok gmbar kat atas adalah dekstop laptop ku.abaikan shortcut yg byk n ntah pape tu. i like my new wallpaper; it says"love hurts but sometimes its a good hurt and it feels like i'm alive". like the wording.hehe.so peringatan pd aku klw gado ngn mr sincere xle emo byk2.haha.

and kanan skali adalah 'hot notes' ku where i lists all my assignments,work,lab thesis,blablaba. see byk yg x tick lg means byk lg keje nk wat. now dah bulan 3.i mean today dah msuk march.cepatnye siyes.i dunno if i manage to get all of this done.haiihhhhh.

so kwn2, bulan 3 adalah bulan busy,stress,emoo,pening kpala,byk keje sy. tlg jgn kecik ati klw sy x join ape aktiviti pd weekend (perasan mcm ade org ajak?hahaha).i only space up my time klw ade weddings je;tuh pon klw sekitar kl or selangor.

ok,shud stop posting,fb twitter n whatever la.i'm banned from all this stuffs from now on.(konon la,tgk tahan bape lama.hahaha).

i wish myself all da best.long sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh~

sepi

2011-02-22T12:27:00.004+08:00

are we only gonna appreciate people that we love until they are gone?

why not appreciate them while they still here; beside us?

don't take things for granted.

you don't want to regret for not doing the best for the one you love.

hello sayur; goodbye ayam.

2011-02-11T16:01:00.003+08:00

klw org yang rapat ngan aku,,diorg sure tahu aku ni x makan sayur.

siyes.aku dr kecik susa nak makan sayur. sayur x rase sedap cam ayam.

huhuhu.klw ade pil sayur aku sggp telan pil dr makan sayur sebenar.sayur yg aku mkn pon mcm carrot je.tu pon jenuh kene paksa ngn mak aku.yela aku ni rabun.power spec tebal cam bill gates. so kene la pakse.klw x lg la rabun.

tp aku ni peminat sejati ayam.siyes ayam peha mmg kegemaran ku. klw oder nasi lemak, ayam nak bahagian peha.klw makan lunch siang2 lauk aku amik ayam goreng peha. bahagian lain?x brape layan sgt.nak2 klw yang isi keras tu.xmo! hahaha.

dulu kadar metabolisme aku tinggi.makan la ayam tiap2 hari..perot aku kempis je. aku kurus kering gak..tp skg bila umur dah menginjak ke angka 22++ bdan pn naik sikit2..kdg2 badan x naik tp pipi naik!hoho.klw kwn aku name kuchai baca entry ni msti dia gelak.sbb dia pggl aku cik apam! cik tembam! mcm2 la.huhuhu. so now peha aku pon dah mcm bentuk peha ayam. besar gila!then i realized i'm destroying my body. huwargh.

so from now on aku start makan sayur. aku makan sikit2 dulu..klw makan nasik aku amik sayur..ayam aku jeling2 je.xmo makan ayam dah klw bole.mencik ayam! huhu. tp rase nyesal baru now nk start mkn sayur.tgk kwn2 aku yg gila sayur sume kulit laawa2 putih gebu melepak, jerawat xde.cantik la kulit diorang. so aku jeles. and ini membuatkan aku nak start balik pemakanan yg sihat.wish me luck though. i will try to avoid ayam!huhu

kelawar

2011-02-11T15:52:00.003+08:00

basically daily life aku berbeza dgn org lain.

bila sume org dah pulang keje or balik kelas,

baru kelas aku nak start. kelas aku kol 7-11mlm.

so jadi kelawar la mlm2.

siang aku wat ape?jgn tanye.of coz tdo. bgn2 makan, buat asimen,online..bla2.

rase loser gk kdg2.buat benda sama hari2. boring. jeles dgn kwn2 aku yg dah stat keje.

jeles nak jugak update status kt fb "wah,penat nye keje" or "yeay x sbar nk g keje". haha.

status aku klw xde kne ngene ngn asimen mmg x sah.

tp ape bole wat?aku yg pilih jln ini.hehe,nk smbg blajar slagi bole.

now final sem aku.hopefully x perlu extend. lepas abes master mmg nk keje. nk rase dpt duit sendri. nk rase beli beg liz claiborne dgn duit sndri. nak rase bg duit tiap2 bulan kt FAMA (FATHER&MOTHER). x sbar. org tanye x nak sambung PHD ke? akuu cakap oh tidak. klw sambung PHD x kawen la aku gamak nye. org x masok minang sbb igt hantaran tinggi.hahaha.

so,kesimpulannye aku sgt x sabar nak habeskan sem ni. tapi nak melalui nya? i will face through obstacles, headache and stress. oh ya. baru stat sem je kepala aku nni dah migrain. high. thinking too much i think. ok,siyes tak tau nak end post ni camne.haha.adiyos!

shafiq before 'baligh'

2011-02-01T08:50:00.006+08:00

i found this video from my hardisk, and i thought this is cute.hehe

but now he is already all grown up

my name is khan

2011-01-08T05:39:00.002+08:00

SRK.pernah suatu ketika aku gilakannya.haha!

atas sebab2 tertentu aku terpanggil untuk menontot movie ini. maybe aku ketinggalan zaman. sgt,ok.haha. ramai kot dah tgk cite ni. ape yg speselnye, dats one of the reason i watched.

so shah rukh khan dlm cite ni mengidap asperger's syndrome. klw tgk watak dia cm agk sepastik, dengan cara jalan yg pelik n sbginya. bercakap dengan org tidak mememandang mata. no eye contact. but the thing is, he has an ability to fix everything! and or coz what touched me more is because he has a heart. more than a normal person could have.

kenapa aku berkata begitu?well indeed because dlm cerita ini, watak SRK lgsg tidak ada diskriminasi terhadap org lain. either ur black or white.ur muslim or a christian.ur rich or poor. Rasulullah sendiri pon ade menyuruh kita berbuat baik kepada semua org, tidak kira pangkat atau rupannya, tidak kira muslim atau tidak. tapi berbuat baik ke arah kebaikan ye. bkan tlg mencuri atau meragut & seiring dgn nya.

ape yg wat aku tersentuh ialah, dah sah2 watak SRK ni digambarkan sbg kurang upaya, tetapi hatinya lebih mulia dan ikhlas berbanding org upaya yg lain. aku terpetik dgn kata2 dr dialognya, "there are two difference between people. either they are good people doing good deeds or bad people doing bad things'. ayat nya begitu mudah n menusuk jiwa.

so byk gk pengajaran based on this movie. which is we cannot discriminate, love everyone because love can cure everything. jgn ada hasad dengki, iri hati, caci mencaci antara kita. jgn ada perasaan benci membenci. hormati org lain, hormati agama mereka. well, sape2 yg x tgk cerita ni lg sila lah tgk.sedih weh, aku nanges kot.ehe!

kehendak kita; atau ibu bapa?

2011-01-08T05:03:00.003+08:00

well, sbg seorang anak mesti korg pernah berada dlm keadaan tersepit; between kehendak sendiri or kehendak ibu bapa. and at that time. which one u choose? or pick?

susah nak kate kan. bak kate pepatah, ditelan mati mak. diluah mati bapak. and etc klw ade peribahasa yg mengungkapkan any decisions will end up feeling guilty or uneasy.

well, aku sbg anak perempuan sulung, of coz aku pn pnah rasa. aku nak yg ini, mak aku kate yang itu, and bapak pulak kate x kisah. aku nak pilih yang ini, parents suruh pilih yang itu.

tetapi, setelah aku hidup hampir 24 tahun ini, baru aku sedar bahawa pilihan ibu bapa itu perlu dititik beratkan dan diberi perhatian. don't simply say 'NO' to them, ini bakal merobek perasaan mereka.

tetapi, ada setengah kes yg kita perlu mengikut kehendak kita, because we are the ones who living in our life. cuma, asalkan kita rasa betol dengan keputusan itu dan betul2 yakin, kita sbg anak juga harus lah meyakinkan ibu bapa kita dgn keputusan kita tuu..

contohnya, klw bab2 nak pilih kos atau kerjaya. ade parents yg nak anaknya jadi doktor. pantang anak dapat 20A1 dlm spm terus nak anaknya wat medic. tp anak yg x nak wat medic tu mcm mane? x ke tersepit rase bile dlm hati nak jadi engineer. so dlm saat begini, mcm mane? ikot keputusan parents ke korg?

as i said earlier, convince them for what u want. tetapi, dengan cara yg paling berhemah dan sopan. ingat! jgn skali kali menaikkan suara, menghentakkan kaki or etc. coz kalau parents kita x redha dgn apa yg kita wat, susah kite nak tenang and bahagia sebab keredaan Allah terletak pada keredaan mereka. Insya Allah, bila kita doa n dapat convince them, kita rasa lega. sebab klw kita paksa jugak hati wat medic utk kedua ibu bapa kita, msti susa nak bwak kn sbb hati x ikhlas n x minat nak belajar. last2 sape rugi klw kita x dpt cope nnti?

(aku amik medic as contoh je..coz zaman skg kn byk kes cmni.huhu)

klw berbalik pd diri aku sendiri, ade time yg aku wat decision aku dgn memikirkan kehendak aku. contohnye time nak pilih kos masuk Universiti 4 tahun dulu. aku b'kata,'Abah, mama, ayin nak amik kos yang takde kaitan langsung dengan fizik,kimia, bio or add math n sebagainya.' terpinga sekejap abah aku time tu. becoz klw pikir balik rugi je aku amik sains stream time stf n amik fizik time matrik, kn?. tp aku x prnah menyesal sbb aku je yg tau kehendak n kemampuan aku time tu..klw aku amik lg kos kimia industri ke, maths ke,engineer ke. mungkin aku susa nak ikot.

tetapi, jgn la pulak korang wat decision contohnya nak jadi mat rempit or nk lari dari rumah as decision yg 'betol' n 'yakin'. hahaha. x ke kene lempang klw korg kate gini, 'abah,mak, sy dah mmg bercita2 nak jadi mat rempit jelajah satu highway Malaysia.inilah cita2 yg dah lame sy pendam n minat!' hahaha. adeh. don't take it wrongly ok. jgn wat decision yg terang2 nye salah. confirm kene halau rumah! hohoho

so, decision ape yg korg btol2 kene ikot kehendak ibu bapa? well pd pndapat aku, jodoh mungkin. and bila korg dah buntu nak wat keputusan, maka tanya lah pendapat diorg. sbb Allah ni mcm bagi 'instinct' pd mak n ayah kita. n selalunye klw diorg x redha ngan pilihan jodoh kita ke, mybe betul jugak diorg tu. like i said, nak hidup ni kalau kita x dpt restu n keredaan dr kedua org tua mereka, susa kita nak happy tau!

well i guess dats it. pandai2 lah korang pikir bila korang terlibat dlm situasi mcm ini. jgn membelakangkan parents kita lgsg,ok. take them as a consideration.pikir baik buruknya, n last sekali bertawakal lah. Allah sayang pd hamba-hambanya yg suka bertawakal tp berbekalkan usaha. wasalam.

my parents.i'm truly nothing without their guidance and love

azam ku

2011-01-06T00:52:00.004+08:00

azam tahun baru. bile terfikir balik, snarnye aku x penah ade azam. aku ade azam, tp azam aku bkan time tahun baru. slalunye azam aku pd minggu ini, bulan ini atau 2 bulan ini ke. yg pentingnye aku ade byk sgt azam, kdg2 berubah, kdg2 tercapai,kdg2 tidak. so, basically ape aku nak katekan di sini, klw korg tnye aku ape azam tahun baru ku, aku akn mereka sndri azam di saat itu jgak. just x nak org pndg aku cam 'loser' plak takde azam. haha. hipokrit gle.

so, basically sem aku dah start. and this shud be my final semester. i hope so. then aku keje, keje mane aku pn x tau.tp ade list U yg aku interested nk jd tutor.tp itu adelah perancangan je. aku mls nk rncg lebeh2.., lebeh suke follow the flow and act whatever is reasonable at that particular time.eceh.bermadah pula.

tp aku rase mybe tahun ini, aku nk berubah sikit perangai. nk jd lg kurg emosi,kurang clumsy, lbeh m'dekatkn dri pd Allah. yerp. alam selepas kite mati. sejak dua menjak aku ade hadiri pengebumian, maka aku slalu terfikir akan hari yg aku pula akan mati. bagaimanakah?org akn bersedihkah?org akn m'doakan aku kah. wallahualam. kesimpulannya, mati itu adalah pasti...kalau kita org Islam yg bijak kita akan berbuat kebaikan, mencari amal utk m'dekatkan dgn Pencipta kita; Allah S.W.T.

bercakap pasal mendekatkan diri..aku nk tnye..bile last korg btol2 m'hayati dan musahabah diri.bile last korang bace Al-Quran?bile last korg berzikir, dan berselawat..itulah.aku pn tnye kt dri jgak.kdg2 kite ni t'lalu seronok dgn kehidupan dunia, terlalu alpa mencari rezeki, terlalu megah dengan kecantikan, terlalu taksub dengan kekayaan dunia, terlalu ego dengan perasaan. Astagfirullah. manusia zaman skg mmg meletakkan dunia di hadapan mereka. seolah-olah akan hidup selamanya....

just a reminder though. blog aku kurg cerita psal keagaaman,.kdg2 bile luah psl bnda ni, buat hati kite lbeh mahu mendekatkn diri dgn amal yg soleh.boleh mengigatkn kite, betapa jahil dan kerdilnye kite sbg hamba ALLAH, yg masih boleh bergelak ketawa, mabuk dan hanyut dgn nikmat dunia.... renung2 kn & selamat beramal ye kwn2...

cuti nak abis

2010-12-29T11:19:00.006+08:00

well, cuti sem aku dah nak abis.

but still this is the most memorable holidays i ever had.

ok, bkan pegi holiday mane2 pon. no krabi or chiang mai or etc.

just few things happened a lot lately yg wat cuti ini lain dr lain.

1. sarah's wedding.

OMG. my childhood friend, sarah is married on the 11th dec. wah,i'm so shocked yet happy for her. dulu teringat time kecik2 selalu pegi rumah dia, buat projek sains la study la. now i'm there to accompany her during the solemnization. i never seen any akads sbb slalu attend org bersanding je. ni btol2 akad dpan mate. its a very beautiful scenery to watch. i congratulate both of them. sarah&usaid, semoga bahagia kekal akhir hayat ye.

2. stfians in penang

wahh. kwn2 aku stf serama lbeh kurang 15 kot? tlah dtg ke penang for yuhai's wedding. and to bad clash plak ngn wedding sarah, so i cant attend's yuhai's wed. anyways, mlm itu hang out bersama stfians.seronok?bole la,tp penat lg ade!hehe. sume konvoi 3

kereta ke penang, and i'm sorry you guys, penang drivers are jerks. so there's a bit conflict while driving sbb ade kete yg xdpt follow. haha. then the best part is menangkap gmbr di hard rock cafe!best and rase rmai plak kwn mase tuu.huhu.thanks u guys for coming.

3. a great loss ;(

i'm not too strong to write this, but we lost our beautiful mak tam, because of liver cancer. kenangan bersama arwah tidak dpt dilupekan..aku igt lg about 3 days before she passed away, i was with her watching her in pain..puas aku n mama gosok2 badannya untuk menghilangkan sakit..yes, it's a heartbreaking to watch someone u love suffer in pain.. there's nothing u could do the ease her pain away..u only can watch.. then on last wednesday, 22nd december, we lost her. she died living 4 kids behind at only the age of 46. i feel like it was only a dream... however, it's all ALLAH's fate. there's nothing we could do about it..we cherish all the memories we had with her and we miss her so very much.al fatihah.

4. shamil 8 A's, nash 4 flat

alhamdulillah. after a day of mak tam's death, we got great news. shamil got 8 A's in his PMR. I seriusly in shocked, however i'm soo proud of him. all the great hardwork paid off i guess?congrats to u shamil. and to my sis, nash who got all A's for her practical. good work! i know sometimes u sleeps at the office, but at least the attendance gives u credits sis!

so basically that what happens during the holidays.ups and downs. good and bad news. however i feel grateful i have my family by my side, spending time with them at home is everything to me. although mama and abah seems quite busy, by i endure every time i have with them. i love them so very much, they are my heart and soul.

worry

2010-11-23T11:33:00.002+08:00

in case if u don't know me, i'm a worrying retarded person.

i always worry about things,i feel anxiety almost all da time.

i don't consider myself as a relaxed person. i don't even know how to relax.

aiyohh.its getting me mad sometimes.

right now byk sgt dlm kepala ni. thesis la, keje la, blabla.

i wish time flies really fast.

because basically i'll stop worrying bout dis things which is getting me MAD.INSANE

semester break

2010-11-23T11:16:00.002+08:00

hello there.

it semester break. i had a nice offer.

mama suro i tutor my youngest brother

instead my voice is like getting higher and higher

he has some learning disability.

i know its hard to accept but, i tried to teach him gracefully blabla.

but it always a lion coming out.

huhu. i did some google bout dis,and i think

he has dyscalculia.

i hope i can guide him without torturing him.

love u bro

hello there, waasup

2010-11-12T15:02:00.002+08:00

hey there bloggie.

last week, i mean these past few days been like hell to me.

i mean exams, drama's and lotss of drama's

wahh.i cant believe i'm handling both.

but dats life right.

you cant expect anything. it'll happened anyways.

even so there's still good news.

some of my friends are getting married,

omg i'm soo happy for them.

but still i heard some of my friends are juggling themselves

over breakups,confusion in relationships.

all i can say is. happiness is a BIG word.

today we are happy, tomorrow will cry and the next day we will be happy again.

appreciate the one that are here with u.

because in life we have to be realistic.

hmmm. i'm not saying i am happy nowdays.

sometimes yes, but sometimes when i struggle a lot to be prefect,

i hurt a lot. so i'm just following the flow. relaxing myself a little bit.

so ok then. to all my friends who are planning to get married, i'd say congratulations.

and to those who are having though time breaking up,

i would say cheer up girls. you will meet someone who deserves you.just don't give up.

aite guys.have some studying to do.

i'm left another paper.

goodbye

2010-11-04T00:19:00.001+08:00

goodbye my lover,

goodbye my friend.

susah kan nak jadi baik?

2010-10-31T14:00:00.002+08:00

well.lately aku terfikir. rase susa kn nak jadi baik?

baik ni means ko xde prasangka kt org lain, whatever ko wat ko wat ngn hati yg ikhlas,

and ko xkan bom org balik bila org lain naik kn kemarahan ko. which is, org yg baik ni thp kesabaran sgt tinggi.

well lately ni aku rase sifat2 ni xde pn kt aku. aku asyik brprasangka kt org lain, and bila aku tlg aku pn tak tau la ikhlas ke x and also aku rase nk melenting je bile org wat aku marah +bengang. tp ntah la. coz kdg2 aku rase ade sesetengah pihak yg suka nak ambil kesempatan kt ko semata2 ko x pnah complain ke ape. hmmm. there i go again. pkir -ve.

well itu yg menyelubungi aku. kdg2 ade sesetengah org yg mulut lancang + laser je ngan ko. n ko rase geram. kdg2 ko tahan, tp kdg2 ko rase api gunung krakatau kat hati ko dh tiba utk memuntahkan laharnya. and gedebushhhh! ko pn terlancang and laser. and in fact bertambah laser lg dr kwn ko. things go bad. and u wonder why is bring out all the worst thing in you.

aku try x nak pikir lain kt org laen, but i cant help it to make other assumptions. because i still wonder perlu ke smpai kene ambil kesempatan n susahkan org?plak tu mcm bagi arahan je kdg2. igt aku mandur or org gaji ko ke.uisshhh. stop2. see, u know what i mean kn?

so i am trying to be positive here. its just dat,i still wanna voice this out loud. nak jadi baik bkan senang, coz org baik2 slalu dipijak2 n digunakan..and aku tak tahan dipijak2, so dats y aku baik kdg2 je. and at certain times i'm evil becoz i wan to teach them a lesson. not to step on others. not to voice out whatever you want, not considering other people's feeling. itu saja. noktah

mampukah aku bertahan?

2010-10-19T16:04:00.002+08:00

referring to status dila;

mampukah aku bertahan?

aku pn tak tau.aku sendiri pon dah penat.

assignment assignment.

letih otak. letih.

dan bila org lain ambil kesempatan t'hadap kau

lg rasa letih

kerja group dah jadi macam individu

ingatkan time degree or peringkat sekolah je ade ahli lelap

rupanya peringkat master pn ada.

nasib la dah jumpa org sebegini.

sabar2.

sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

letting go

2010-10-14T17:00:00.001+08:00

now i'm letting go everything that i had

because i know deep down i don't deserve any of it

tolong?

2010-10-05T16:35:00.001+08:00

kadang2 sy rasa bila kwn sy need sy,

sy akan tlg sepuas2 nya,

betul2 tlg mereka

tp kdg2 bila sy perlu mereka

satu pn xda

rasa t'sisih,kdg2 wat sy rs mereka perlu sy baru mereka cari.

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm,

deep

2010-07-22T14:53:00.002+08:00

i guess all i can say that is;

i am a very deep person.

indeedly very deep.

dat's why my blog's name is 'deeply inside'

well.

why?i think i'm always taking other's words seriously.

i take every word u said.

even its true,or untrue.

but i bukan jenis 'x kesah ape org kate'

coz sumtimes i do kesah.

soo. yesterday my lecturer said 'good' to our 2nd presentation.

thank God.azab terlepas. a 'good' is all i need to feel better.

hope after dis will be much more more better.

insya ALLAH.

P/S:i guess if we go too deep into an ocean,we will eventually meet with mr.shark.

dangerous eh?mybe in dis case;i shud't be too deep with my feelings. later i get drowned or i might say,get eaten by 'sharks'.hurmm

frust

2010-07-17T12:47:00.002+08:00

frust.

i think that's the best to describe how i felt right now.

yesterday was my first presentation.its a group one.

what's worst is dat i'm the team leader. even worst team leader for

the whole semester. okay. great.

so, i am always prepared. i remind my other group members to do their work,

and they eventually call me boss (not like i'm bossy or what;but i don't have a choice do i?)

so here goes. little miss bossy and her groupmates presented.

i don't know why i felt sumthing wrong is gonna happen.

yeay, eventually i'm right. we got fired. peluru bertubi2. debusshhh!

unluckily, eventhough we present our originality (not like other's just copy paste!huhuhu)

we didn't manage to meet the requirement of our lecturer.

i felt like our slides can just be throw into the rubbish.

so.i'm kindda frustrated. not only we have limit time to prepare for this presentation,

but we work so hard for it. we got many assignments to do as well.

yesterday i felt like a failure.my because i was the boss. i felt like a failed to conduct my team.

i dunno. its only a presentation;and mind me; its only an assignment!

but it's even worst than my FYP viva.

so. what goes around comes around i guess. i always think i got it right, but yesterday prove

to be wrong somehow. our next assignment is next week.

i don't want to put any hopes, but i guess i'm ready enough if we all kena tembak lagi.

~sighhhhhhh

p/s:its ok to make mistakes.its a start of success isn't it? (saying this to make me feel better but still feeling suck inside,duhh)

farewell utm

2010-07-17T12:33:00.002+08:00

at last i'm saying goodbye to utm

goodbye my research title, goodbye prof wan,

goodbye balqis and ida.

now i know the powerful of destiny.

i'll never know i will continue my study to uitm.

but hey, we only plan right?Allah decides for us.

So the first week i'm here at uitm,busy with registration,

meeting new classmates. my classmates are oni 20 people;

making me easier to remember their faces.

some of them are working,married, same age as my father, etc.

not many as fresh graduate as i am.

but it's okay,at least i can meet different people in different background.

this will eventually broaden my knowledge..huh?

Officially a uitm student right now.Msc in GIS. nothing's change.

just plain me,who always worried about things.

new life here,hoping its gonna be okay.i hope.

my future. where are you??

2010-04-29T11:13:00.003+08:00

okay. after one week at home i already feel bored.

watching tv,non-stop online, watching Glee and Gossip Girl.

now i'm like dunno what to do next. aiyohhh.

i like being at home.close to my family. i knw i'm no presssure to get

a stable job, but i need sumthing to do b4 i continue my stdy.

haihhh.luckily anum offer a job. but i haf to go to interview first

even it is part time. never mind. huhu.

i wish i can get it. at least bole gain experience.

besides waiting for the interview, i'm stuck with my options for the future.

option 1: mama n abah suro sambung master kat oversea.

whoaaaa. i also dunno if i'm capable of it..erm.

my options-->australia?uk?

whatever it is..aku x nak pg sorang2.huhu. kawen dlu boleh tak maa?

uwaaaa

option 2:continue at utm

dis is suppose to be da first option.but i put in 2nd sbb yg first tu harapan mak abah aku. huhu.

klw kt utm senang, tajuk ade, supervisor dah ade..urmm. but then again it make me thinking. klw sume senang, x bestla.xde cabaran.uhuh.. but the question is, how independent am i? hmmm...back to thinking..

option 3: continue at utm, sambil wat online business.

ahhaaa.dis is more like it. ntah aku rase untuk mengelakkan aku sengkek mase blajar nnti, aku nk wat business online lah.nak jual selendang ke ape,beg ke.baju2 terpakai ke. xkesahlah. mcm best je kan.

option 4: hurm,nothing at the moment i guess

well at least option2 yg aku ade ni sgt menyesakkan kepale aku, haha,. either living for my desire, or others, for my own good or doing the right thing or choosing the best option..all dis kindda stress me out a lil bit. hurmmm.. tired of waiting n thinking.yes, action need to be done indeed. so for now i think i'll work part time first, while thinking where i'm gonna further my study. hurmmm

when you love ones are sick

2010-04-28T12:05:00.003+08:00

biasala tu..lumrah manusia..sakit sihat,kuar masuk hospital. tp bila happen to our closed ones,. well it actually efect us too. huhu.. so, last week it happen to me n my family bila tokyah masuk hospital coz one of he's knee haf problem.. erm.. tokyah is 72 years old.. yet dis is da first time he's been warded.. n dis time we all get shocked a bit..but after a few days alhamdulillah tokyah makin sihat.. and we know da cause of his knee is bcause he's diagnosed with diabetis. hrmm.. the doc remind us all to watch our sugar level.. adoi.no more condensed milk. dat goes to me, teh ais and all da sweet pudings. huhuhu.. well as tokyah was hospitalized last weekend, we all gathered there. mcm reunion family plak. but i think semua ni terjadi ade hikmah kot.. at least we can show our love and full support to tokyah..let him at least be happy.. klw tak, mmg susah nak blik,slalu time raye je jumpe..haihhhhh....

mama told me dat she would do her best for tokyah, give him da best medical care..i understand dat..she always told me it tear her heart once bila last time arwah opah meninggal, there's nothing she could do..ye la time tu internet or knowledge bout private hospital x byk... opah meninggal pn we didnt knw what the real cause is... then today i can see mama is trying her best to take care of tokyah,the one she loved most... i promise mama,i'll take care of you too.. i'll study and work hard starting now..huhu

pemberita berkepala tujuh

2010-04-27T11:40:00.004+08:00

ini time kiteorg lepak

kiteorg tu aku refer as kwn2 ku yg sewel n gile ---> reena, faa,balqis,ain,haiza n ida.

hehe..gile n sewel skit time lepak ni bcoz baru abes 3 paper yg memenatkan otak serta urat saraf yg laen.

mase tgh lepak tibe2 ter pkir!

"eh,jom wat video pasal pmberita kepale tiga nak?"

aku dah lupe itu idea sape, tp aku yg start idea "eh,jom pkai selendang n selubung muka masing2 nak??"

haha.konon2 org x kenal laa kite.

hahaha.

so enjoyla video ntah pape ni.ehe

p/s:abaikan bunyik bersin itu ok. ntah sape la bersin tuh haha

2010-04-22T02:29:00.005+08:00

................and i wonder if i ever crossed ur mind?

to me it happens all the time..................

ready for finals?

2010-04-01T20:41:00.002+08:00

PSM

bahana PSM akhirnya berakhir. tinggal edit thesis je,then i'm done. rasanya byk bnda yg aku blajar dr sini. i learned that, if u get sumthing without the easy way, u'll gain more benefit.

trust me.kpd junior2 di sana, klw anda memilih jalan yg mudah,

tajuk yg mudah, maka bersedialah kena hentam dgn ayat2 berikut,

"awak rasa thesis awak ni layak ke masuk library?".. dan

selanjutnya yg agak berdesing telinga bila tgk org kena hentam mcm itu..

takot kan?u shud be. jgn ambil mudah PSM ini.jgn skali.

akibatnya ramai yg lepas present x berpuas ati ngan hasil masing2..

tetapi, ade jgak yg did well,..congrats to all..

now tggal sisa2 terakhir je as final student, lets take a chance and appreciate each other ok?

;(( sedih plak rasa nak tggal kwn2. tp rasa excited bcoz already near to one step ahead in life!

2010-03-16T16:30:00.002+08:00

a friend once said,

"to be love by someone is exciting,

but to be love by ALLAH is EVERYTHING".

white fox is back!

2010-03-15T14:50:00.002+08:00

last weekend was a blast!
seriusly.sgt seronok turun maen di pdg.

i wonder all this time, i really need to do dis.

maen sofbol kt pdg, btol2 wat aku lupa 'dunia' aku yg sebenar.

dunia yg bebas dr PSM n assignments,classess, and other stress

updating~

2010-03-05T18:32:00.002+08:00

dah lame gak x menulis kat sini..,

yela.dari wat blog baiklah aku wat writing PSM, kan??heheee,

well since cuti raya cina, after cuti busy sangat2!

PSM = Penat Sangat Membuatnya @ Projek Sarjana Muda.

i spent so much time on this. plus fieldwork GPS. plus other assignments yg boleh membuatkan kepala aku pecah skg!

i dun have time for myself, tido pon x cukop. i remember i slept at 7.30 am then wake upt at 11am

sambung wat keje balik.

kat bilik either tido or wat keje, nothing else.

wahhhhhhh..final year mmg mcm ni ke..penat2.wuwu.

i hope it will all be worth it. i miss my sleeping hours, i miss my family, i miss u.

sory sgt coz i spent less time with u, huwahhhhhh.

friends

2010-02-18T09:58:00.004+08:00

thank you for understanding

and accepting me

helping me to get along in this confused world

thank you for making me see the light when i go blind

and thanks for simply being my friend ;))

thank you ;))

2010-02-17T14:42:00.002+08:00

mr.sincere,

thank you for coming

thank you for bringing the smile back again

thank you for everything you do

for all of the above

there's no better way i can describe

how thankful i am

;))

yeaaaaay~

2010-02-11T00:01:00.000+08:00

esok aku akan bergerak ke sekitar bandar jb

tlg haiza wat gps observation!

semangat nih..hehe

sonok tlg kwn2 wat psm

lalallaala

jay bee, here i come!
gangstaa road hihi

;((

2010-02-09T14:36:00.000+08:00

bengang!~

2010-02-09T00:08:00.001+08:00

kasik pinjam salah

x kasik pinjam salah

ape yg ko nak sbnarnye????

saje nak bagi aku marah kan?

nak bagi aku rase bengang???

damn you!!!

smart tunnel yg mmg smart lah!

2010-02-07T22:51:00.005+08:00

jumaat lalu kami bertujuh. hanya kami sahaja dlm bas dr utm ke kl.

semata-mata nak pg lawat smart tunnel. then budak2 uitm pon join jugak.

best jugak la lawatan ini. belajar sumthing new. i'm proud of being a malaysian i guessed.

one of da reason is becoz smart tunnel ni design nye is da first in da world,

satu-satunya di dunia dan ianya di Malaysia!haha. bangga2 ;)

anyway,along da way...yela utm skudai bkan nye dkat ngan kl..

so,kami geng2 uno sedia ada merasuk kuchai dan johan bermain.

hahaha.at least we had a great time ya?

kpd kuchai,jgn amik ati..

anyway aku still dedicate lagu ni kat ko.hahaha

"ku cuba pejam mata,tp x terlena..kerana ku masih teringat pada ***"

hahahhaa.peace

i'm just a little gurl ;((

2010-02-06T20:43:00.003+08:00

mama

i miss you,

and i know u miss me too.

lately ni mama slalu call

i know she really miss me

and dat makes me soo excited and can't wait to go back..

huhu

serious rase cm dak kecil balik

rase sgt2 homesick ;((

huu.walaupon aku dah besar pjg, x ptot rase cmni tp ntah laaa

i really miss my mommy

wawaaaaaaaaaaaa

2010-01-04T12:05:00.003+08:00

I'M SORRY

to whom it may concern. i'm sorry for the way i acted.
sometimes i didn't realize how i hurt someone wit my single action.
i never left out u. all i did was a simple calculation, for my very own
understanding. it is a group work after all, i'll explain it to u
when i'm totally understand about it. i never left out anybody.
but if u felt that way,well i'm sorry again. i'm just a normal human being.

bus accident...again

2009-12-30T09:55:00.003+08:00

aku rase baru lately ni aku gain confident nak naik bas balik;
tup tup tup..kuar lagi berita pasal accident bas.10 org mati.
terus rase seriau aku timbul balik.takot. stakat ni aku brani naek bas jb-kl,kl-jb or penang-kl
mane2 perjalanan yg x makan lebih 5jam..

tp tibe2 rase nak naek bas dr penang ke jb..wlwpun dah lame aku x naek,tibe2 rase confident.
yela, its been 3 years since aku accident bas. 7 jahitan di hujung dahi kiri aku. marvellous. perfect.
parut masih ada,well,nmpak brutal sket.hehe

tp bile everytime aku pndang cermin n nmpak balik scar ni, n bila baca paper pasal
accident bas, aku mesti teringat kejadian awal itu. tepat 4 pagi.,aku dalam bas
seat depan skali..dan tiba2..ooooouuuuuccccch!!aku menjerit. terkejut dr tidur, kerna
kepala ke terhantuk kuat ke depan..ape jd?aku bace ayat kursi. rase nak mati pon ade.
aku boleh tak igt mcm mane aku boleh ade dlm bas ni.sape yg anta aku td?
bas aku nak ke mane?spantas kilas aku capai hp, teros teringat seseorang. MAMA!

aku tekan name mama,n tekan dial.

mama:ayin,dah smpai utm ke?cepatnye
aku:mama,bas ayin accident....
mama:what?ayin!nape boleh jd mcm ni??(panik)
ayin:x tau...tp kpale ayin berdarah....

aku tau time tu mama seakan-akan seperti ibu kehilangan anak.separuh meraung..
tp mujurlah aku dibawak ke hospital..kena jahit and bole terus keluar..
nasib baek ade senior2 utm gak dlm bas tu yg tolong aku..

aku bersyukur,smpai hari ini.umur aku masih pjg,accident bas itu tidak lah teruk mane..
tp aku x boleh nak hilangkan trauma itu,nak2 lagi accident bas asyik happen je,.
nasihat ku pd pemandu,bwklah berhati2,klw mengantuk berhenti or tukar driver.. nyawa 3o lebih org dlm tgn anda..huhuuu

welcome home,mama abah

2009-12-23T08:19:00.007+08:00

pejam celik pejam celik.
lg seminggu mama abah akan pulang ke tanah air,selesai menunaikan haji.
Alhamdulillah,tak sabar rasanya nk smbut diorang di airport nanti.

aku igt lagi baru seminggu dudok rumah kena jaga adik2,
baru aku rase yg nak jd ibu ni susah!walaupn aku xdela memasak,
cuma tugas aku kna make sure makanan ada ats meja ikut time, beli ikan ayan kt pasar, pergi carefour beli brg2 dapur..hmm..nmpak mudah je kan?hehe.
tp sbnarnye aku agak migrain jgak la kat rumah.
terutama bila nak jaga kerenah adik2 aku,especially shafiq yg kecik.
baru aku faham perasaan mama, betapa susahnya nk puaskan hati semua orang!
hahaa.

aku cuba sedaya upaya x melenting kt rumah.
tp biasa la tu..dah nama nye kakak yg garang, aku slalu je ter emo.
cpat je marah.hehe.
tp bila now dah balik utm,aku rindu plak kt adik2 aku ni...huhu

aku igt lagi ada one time tu..rasenye shafiq rindu sgt kot kat mama abah.
mase tu aku kt bilik mama, tiba2 dia dtg..pg kat ampaian tmpat sidai towel, diciumnya kain pelekat mama and abah..aduhai..sedikit sbyk hati ku tersentuh..
dia kata,'hee.rindunya kat mama,abah.. mcm ni laa bau diorang'..
aku terpana.belum cukup ngan itu, dia pergi plak dkat meja make up, diambilnya perfume kesukaan mama n abah.. "hmmmm..wanginye..mcm ni la bau diorang'..huhu
aku cuma gelak je..xnak into sentimental things,karang aku nanges.. kdg2 aku bwk je shafiq jalan2 ke jusco, beli toy ultraman dia..bia dia kurang rindu kt mama abah..hehe.

well..lg seminggu mama abah akan pulang,aku doakan mereka dikurniakan haji mabrur, insya ALLAH.semoga selamat kembali ke tanah air,mama abah.

mama and abah.i dedicate this to you

2009-10-28T21:37:00.003+08:00

it took me long enough to write bout dis
its kindda personal,but i guess i can share it here if it can give lessons to anyone.
so,hear goes.
there was once a moment in my life that i felt i'm nothing,and useless
i remember the day i attended to kmpp,
where my life suddenly turn over.

mybe its just me, i dun blame the surroundings though
even though i went there wit my own best friend from stf,
its funny how i felt soo empty where i felt like have no one else
yet the distance from kmpp to my house is only 20 minutes
but i still felt far from home,.'distance' from everyone else,including my family.

i came to the phase in my life where i felt soo ugly,stupid.i'm the useless little creature that cannot do anything. my brain as if its capability had been taken away by God.
i cant even study there.
when i went to the lecture hall,i felt blank.i cannot get what the subject had been taught.
i felt hopeless,i can imagine how i am going to proceed wit other lectures if i dun understand it.

i find it hard to fit in there.the first week there is like a hell to me. when mama came that weekend, i felt like a little child crying,that i wanna go home,go back.i want a secure feeling back.
mama was shocked.she just cant believe i am turning into a very negative person..
oh yeah,untill now i dun get what actually is happening to me.
i take it as a God's test for me, n i simply just gave up at that time...

from an outgoing person,talkative n love to make friends i some how change into a very different attitude. i felt shy almost all da time, i even find it hard to start a conversation wit anyone. that's why its hard for me to make friends in my class.even in my room,my roommates just dont bother. they think i am a spoilt little child from a bording school that just dont mix up wit other people. well,i dun blame them..
i wonder why i got this kind of feeling,how my self confidence turn exactly to zero..

well,i dun knw how i got through this, but mostly the ones who r close to me know what had happened to me and how i was going thru to a really hard and rough situation at dat time. i didnt score well there. even worst i let down my parents hope,n to see the frustration on their faces just made me felt more sad and unhappy...

after a year later, i manage to squeeze myself in utm.thank god actually wit my results,i still can apply for uni even thou i dun achieve well. from the first day i registered there, i think its God giving me a second chance,to prove that i can be much better than dis.i still can make my parents proud..

i remember how my first year went. i dun have to try so hard, friends just came when i truly show myself..at first i do walk and ride the bus alone, but later i manage to made friends.. its seems that my life here in utm is the life that i know i can deal with it,with all the courage and support i had..

now i'm in my final year.doing my thesis. life isnt easy here,there are still obstacles here and there. but i remember i will always have God, and my parent's prayer are with me..

so,last monday i received a call from mama. she said, one of her friend's son is having the same problem wit me when he attended kmpp, however his problems doesnt solve untill he's in a private college.
mama said that she felt soo grateful that i became 'another' person for only in a short time, it didn't drag me too long. she said she's grateful i'm doing well now,n she told me she shouldnt have think dat she's the only parent dat haf dis kind of problems wit their kids..there are people out there too,having the same problem and mybe much bigger..huhu

To abah and mama,
i'm sorry because u have to deal wit that 'version' of me,once ago. i'm sorry i have let u guys down,and i promise u as long as i'm trying my best, i know i wont let u down again. u guys had done soo much for me,being there,supportive and love me as i am even though i was out of mind at that time.thank u soo much for ur unconditional love,. i really am the luckiest to have parents like u both.

as for know i am grateful to God,that i am His creature,and God will always give chances,as long as u seek for them..ALHAMDULILLAH

2009-10-18T18:19:00.002+08:00

its realy weird how yesterday i was so damn happy
but today
as if everything had been taken away
i felt sooo suck today instead

how wish i can run away
run away from everything i started
sumtimes i wish to end it
bcoz i dun wanna hurt anyone again

i hate myslf dats y i think i shud stay away
from PEOPLE

friendship

2009-10-16T21:24:00.002+08:00

friendship is like a broken glass
when u try to fix it
it'll not be the same as new

appreciate your friends
love them
u cant live in dis world alone

nana dah x sayang kitty?

2009-10-10T21:45:00.002+08:00

hp aku berdering
lalu aku lihat name adik ku shafiq a.k.a kitty yg call
terpakse la aku reject sbab tgh kelas.
lalu aku pon msj die,
aku :sory kitty,nana tgh kelas.
lalu die pon reply
syafiq:ok.nana dah x sayang kitty ;(

haha.aku tergelak seketika.
manja btol aadik ko sorg ni
hehe.
i miss u kitty!
nana always miss u alot~
huhu

penat,kerja byk!

2009-10-10T21:40:00.002+08:00

last week was da buziest day
adoi.byk sgt keje
with test,presentation la
huhu
byk gile keje kdg2 rase otak nk pecah
tu la sape suro wat last minute?
haha.
i blame myself
xde sape2 salah
lecturer x salah
aku yg salah.
so,laen kali.buat la kerja di awal2 lg
jgn tangguh2!!
huhu

2009-10-02T12:35:00.000+08:00

mr sincere

thank u sooo much!~

2009-09-28T23:12:00.002+08:00

I MISS YOU GUYS SO VERY MUCH :(

mimpi

2009-09-28T23:08:00.001+08:00

"hidup ini hanya suatu mimpi

bilakah akan ku terjaga?"

bila MATI.

2009-08-17T00:56:00.001+08:00

SAKET ATIIIIIII!!!!!!~~~~$#%$^$^&^*

break down

2009-08-11T11:00:00.002+08:00

i am probably the worst motivator of my ownself

i can;t solve my problems like i always do

i seldom feel depressed lately ni

i wonder

when my frens came and tell me bout their probs, i can give them

advise,support them

bout now?when it reverse back to me, i just feel lame and dull

stuck in my own world and never can get out.. i just dunno what to do.

i wanna say sumthing,but it doesn't come out right

i wanna do sumthing but it turned out to be bad

tell me dis is just a small matter in life, so that i can move on..which is...HARD

lots of things coming up

all i do is cry like a little baby wondering how unlucky and hurtful i am

GossHHH.i'm feeling sick of myself sumtimes. i hate it when i'm obviously weak.

God,give me some strength. I really dunno what to do..i miss mama,abah so very very much

rite now. i really hope i can just get into a bus and go back home,can i?

NOo,i can't.i wont run from problems.not anymore. I'll face it even thou it really do hurt sumtimes.. (T_T)

bengkel penulisan resume

2009-08-03T01:34:00.009+08:00

waaahh. hari ahad bangun kol 6.30! after subuh, terus tak tido. definately not on sundays,ok! tp, kali ni memandangkan aku ade sedikit kesedaran diri bahawa aku dah ditahun akhir, aku gagahkan jgak la smangat ni. aku og jugak la ke bengkel penulisan resume n grooming ni. bkan ape, dah bayar..klw free je mybe bole kot nak cancel last minute hehe.

well, sikit sebanyak berbaloi gak aku hadir bengkel ni. dpt la beberape tips yg berguna utk tulis resume nnti.ehe. n lastly, aku tawu kaler ape yg x patot dipakai mase interview. definately not yellow,orange and dark green!dun ask me why, but iyse definately the not-to do list bile nak pegi interview kerja nnti ok! hehe. di atas aku selitkan beberape pics during the activites.hehe

finally

2009-08-02T18:27:00.003+08:00

one big surprise

one great weekend

that's all i need

thanks dear for making it real

thanks for waking me up for my dreams

i'll cherish every moment we had

fever

2009-07-21T16:19:00.005+08:00

last weekend i spent mostly my time with those items

1. tissue

2. more tissue

3. more more and even more tissue

gooooshh. huhu. menyedihkan. disebabkan aku terkena selsema yg susa nak baek ni, mostly aku spent mase dlm bilik je. roomate pulak balik umah, so x dpt le nak dera dia jadi nurse aku. huhuu. n disebabkan aku terpakse lentok je dlm bilik, maka aku pon melihat laa cerita series kegemaranku,

one tree hill.

i never thought that i would follow this series untill season 6. well, dlu aku pnah tgk cite love story wit alien theme, which is roswell, now aku mmg really into one tree hill. definately. heheee

this story really thought me bout lot of things. its mostly about frendship, family bonding, dreams and even ur own enemy. but all i can say all the drama in one tree hill made me think in a sec, why all those components really matters in life. why friendship really matters to us,why being close to our family is important, why we need to walk away from our enemy and why is dreaming is the starting for all our success, =)

well, i guees i will call last weekend as a one tree hill fever, since i spent my days watching every single episode with lots and lots of tissue (well, tissue tu utk lap hingus,ok?bkan nanges huhuhuhu) hmm. i hope i'll get better soon. dh mls nak hembus2 hingus ni..

p/s:bile pikir yg Tuhan beri saket sebagai penghapus dosa, bru laa rase chill skit huhu

p/s lg: thanks ah ad bagi aku pnjam dvd tuh..ko mmg cool laa hehe.nnti season 7 jgn lpe beli lagi,ok?hehe

being a scorer

2009-07-12T21:26:00.002+08:00

finally setelah 4 hari aku duty as scorer utk open national sofbol, last2 arini habis jugak.fuhhh lega..
bkn senang jage game ni. normally penat jgak sbab kne fully concentrate on game. every minute. every pitch. klw org yg x minat sofbol ni, mmg akn rase bohsan. luckily ini game yg mmg aku minat since high school, so no probs for me. hehe

hmmm.sejak aku duty, dah 2 hari kelas aku xpg. terdetik gk rase nyesal sbab terpakse escape kelas. yela, da final year kn. nnti ape plak lecturer kate. first class lg dh x dpt dtg.. tp aku rase peluang cmni x slalu dtg, so i just grab it. even jd scorer je, aku dpt la tmbah ilmu gk. dpt tgk cmne game national. ni bkan nye peringkat skola or universiti yg slalu aku maen dlu. ni national beb. one silly mistake di pdg bole menyebabkn kekalahan.huhu

mcm td aku jage game final between vipers n aces k.l. serius sengit. kekalahan dgn satu mata je. dua2 team mantap. mmg aku agak x senang dudok sbab x dpt nak agak sape menang. biase klw jage game awl2, aku da bley agak sape yg leading. huhuu. tp, td mmg aa very nice game. byk bnde aku blaja. huhu. x rmai org boley maen under pressure yg tinggi. n aku tawu vipers kalah td bkan sbab diorg x tere, tp like i said..a simple mistake.huhu

well, enough la psal sofbol ni. huhu. aku kne concentrate on my class.. n most important thing my PSM.. pergghhh.

daddy said..

2009-06-30T20:51:00.006+08:00

"i guess it is also time for us to start learning from others;
'the essence of learning that we are forgetting'.. here goes:

1. to be humble and humbly so, but if we think we are already humble,than we might actually be too proud now.

2. serving people is our virtue, but if we think we have served well, then we might as well stop serving.

3. sacrifice would mean be tolerant to others, but if we think we are so, we might already becoming too arrogant.

4.if we think we are right most probably of the time, we are probably more wrong than the others.

5. if we said we are sidelined, then we are actually saying we are important and will improve so.

6. if we think we are small, then we might be already too big for some to handle.

7. we think we have not done the best,but we actually achieved far more; so trod along if we wished for if we stalled thinking that we are no longer needed;it is actually the OPPOSITE"

thanks dad.u inspired me a lot

hurt

2009-06-30T19:08:00.002+08:00

Just so u knw,

i'm hurt

thank u very much

i'm prepare for tomorrow

just in case.

penat mengemas

2009-06-28T19:01:00.002+08:00

wahh

ari ni aku penat bgt

mengemas dr pagi smpai laa tengahari

huwaawa

pastu ptg aku terlepuk tidoo..nsib x lpas asar

adoi la

hmmm.cuti da nk abes

ntah tibe2 rase nyesal plak

byk bnde aku ptot buat time cuti ni

tp aku x buat2

huwawaa

xpe lah,tggal lg seminggu ni i'll cherish everyday

then life mula balik,pg kelas bla bla

utm, i dun miss u yet. i'm scared of missing home

huwah.wlwpon balik jb ni kire dah rutin since form 1

tp dis time still same rase berat, huwawaa

best days of your life

2009-06-27T15:51:00.001+08:00

'Coz I'll be there, in the back of your mind
From the day we met 'til you were making me cry
And it's just too bad, you've already had the best days

The best days of your life

We Belong to Our Creator

2009-06-26T12:20:00.004+08:00

About 15 years ago....

Abg Ayub: Ayin, x smayang asar ke? dh masok waktu ni

Aku: ala...kaki lenguh laaa

Abg Ayub: kaki lenguh?klw cmtu pergi la smayang cara duduk

Aku: Hmmm... (pikir alasan lain)

This converstion just strike me. about a month ago.. baru aku teringat pasal abg ayub bila mama bgtau abang ayub meninggal tiba2. shockin death. shockin news to everyone especially to my family coz we were soo close. i even knw him since i was a kid.

actually abg ayub ni its not blood related to us. bkan sedare. but he stays wit us, being my father companion for a quite long time. untill he get married,haf kids baru laa kte org not dat close after dat..

until we attended his funeral..pagi jumaat kte org bertolak pegi kelantan. aku x pnah pg kelantan,esp.area tanah merah. and da first time went is to attend his funeral. how sad.. bila smpai rumah arwah.. astagfirullah..air mata terus mencurah curah. tgk arwah terbujur kaku..mcm tgh tido..paling sedeh bila tgk anak2 arwah yg masih kecil.. duduk sblah jenazah bapa mereka..still hard to accept it..kecil2 lg sudah kehilangan seorang bapa =(

bila tgk abah bkak kain yg menutup kepala arwah, abah beristighfar...baru la aku tgk dan faham,apa maksudnya friends till die.. mungkin abah sndri x sangka or masih terkejut..

it took me awhile to jot this on my blog.. dah lame nak tulis tp mugkin aku x brape kuat.rasa kehilangan,tp kdg2 rasa abg ayub still ade kt dunia ni..

smlm plak aku attend pengebumian tok nani..meninggal sakit tua.. kali ni mmg kematian yg di expect sbab masa lwt tok nani kt hospital pon i saw she's soo weak.. kali ni aku dpt lihat jenazah dimandikan, dikapankan dgn begitu jelass.. Maha Suci Allah..aku terpegun seketika.. rase insaf mula menular diri mase tu..

Cuti sem ni merupakan sem yg paling byk dugaan, rintangan, drama, kejutan.. aku hadir dua pengebumian, seakan-akan mahu aku menyedari bhw kematian itu mmg nyata, setiap insan akan mengalaminya, sedia atau tidak... Al-fatihah buat kedua-dua arwah..semoga roh mereka dicucuri rahmat..

p/s:michael jackson juga pergi buat selamanya hari ni..terfikir mati dlm ISLAM x. Wallahualam..

setiap musibah ada hikmahnya

2009-06-24T12:43:00.002+08:00

well.ayat ini dah byk kali aku dgr. in fact klw sumthing happes, msti ayat ni akn terpacul dr mulut sapa2. hmm.bila difikir kn..aku x pnah pon menghayati. kdg2 rasa frust, sakit hati atw tibe2 rase diuji pn,aku jrg melihat dr sudut positifnyaa..bila da smpai satu saat, baru aku akn berkata,'oh ini hikmahnya', well nw i knw.

aku tahu Tuhan bkan saja2 nak bg musibah pd hambanya. tp mahu pengajaran diambil atau membuat kita sedar ttg sesuatu. tindakan kita menghadapi sesuatu musibah itu. apa rasional kita akn buat?will it turn bad,much worse?or we will be patient, yakni sabar dan yakin bhw Tuhan masih ada dgn kita.

kdg2 kita rasa,"My God, nape ini sume berlaku pd ku?'pdahal kita x prnah fikirkn nasib org lain yg lagi terok dr kita. we only think bout ourself.we only felt like we are they one yg unlucky. oh,apalah sgt musibah yg kita hadapi?break ngn bf?lptop hilang?hp rosak?mmg itu sume harta.. tp yg pastinya kita x bwk bnde2 tu sume masok kubur..in fact like i said kita ptot rase syukur ade tmpt tggl,mkanan,pakaian and yes definately we are still breathing.

take a minute to think. klw tiada musibah, hidup ini sentiasa indah maka kita akan selalu lupa pada pencipta-Nya. sebab itula musibah kdg2 menimpa, supaya kita igt Dia, tidak kira senang atau susah.sekian..(T_T)

2009-06-23T11:03:00.005+08:00

miss sarah tukang ambil gmbar

ini blakang skola tmpat hendap2 dulu

alahai.rindunye zaman skola rendah. huhu

finally. dpt jgak merasa pg skolah. almost 12 years kot. byk bnde dh berubah. pondok tmpat maen2 dlu sume dah renovate.huwawa. really my old days. nape la mase kecik2 dulu x cherish everything?if only i can turn back time.huhu.

what i miss bout school:

1. aku miss kantin nye. of coz la. ns lemak yd sedap huhu

2.kwn2 n drama mase skola rendah. igt lg gado ape ntah smpai setel dlm toilet last2 kne marah cikgu sbab msok klas lewat.hahaha. mean gurls stuff

3.aku miss cikgu2 yg penyayang.huhu.skg lecturer gtal2 ade laa.tiade pnyayang.huwawa

4. aku miss berlari2 anak, kejar sane sini, main tiang2..hahaha

5.sgt miss subjek pendidikan seni!inila masenye nk tnjok kreatif dan serabot.

6.aku rase plg aku rindu ialah diriku sindri yg amat kebudak budakan dulu. kini aku sudah xbole jd budak lg kang kena kutok!!huhuhu

2009-04-23T16:34:00.003+08:00

seriously
aku dh lupe cane aku study dulu2
perghh...dah lame x bkak buku n stdy
ni lah padah nye klw l.i time sem
klw time cuti xpe gak
so..aku ngaku yang aku mengalami sdikit kesukaran utk
study bg test esk mlm..
ala..test je pon..huwah
cmne ni..dh malas nak hafal..
aku nk amek inisiatif paham ape aku bace
b4 dis aku byk hafal..so,lpas exam tros x igt..
hurm..bhaye gak ni
klw dpt A pon rugi
ape gune A klw sume fakta itu hnya dihafal je
ape gune A klw tujuan kite study just nak pass exam je
ape gune A klw pas exam kite snanrnye x phm pape pn
btol gak eh..
so,,study la seikhlas-ikhlas nye
ehe
Insya Allah bwk berkat

kpd kwn2 ku yg tgh amek exam,jgn mls2 study
pkir mase dpan anda
hehe
n dis msg goes to me tooo!

p/s:lino mmg pandai nasehat org..tp diri sndri..perghhh....

p/s:dh le..stat study!

2009-04-23T16:27:00.003+08:00

last nite was a mess
my feelings. my mind.
all mess
i used to havva a broom
to sweep all dis craziness away
but now its gone
i'll go to a store
and buy one
but when i got there
i actually realized i dun need dat broom
when all i need is u
~

p/s:kesimpulannye..saye perlukan penyapu untuk sapu bilik ini!huhuhu

2009-04-18T21:26:00.002+08:00

i'm giving her a chance and my forgiveness
because if i did da same thing like her
i would expect people to forgive me too
da thing is
life is just so unfair
i always forgive dat easily
but i dun get forgivenes from others when i really need it
sigh~

2009-03-27T02:23:00.002+08:00

gelak

hari ni aku puas gelak

asyik gelak je

salah ke klw gelak banyak?

aku rase cam lupe tau sume bende yang wat aku marah

n aku lupe gak kat org yang slalu wat aku marah

tapi org kate byk gelak hilang ilmu

naseb baek exam x start lg

huhu

tp gelak ngan kwn2

gelak yg bg aku satu harapan

bahaawa aku masih punyai mereka

yg mampu buat aku gelak

aku masih mampu gelak

menutupi sume kekurangan hdopku

~

2009-03-27T02:15:00.003+08:00

2009-03-03T15:42:00.002+08:00

Pada minggu ini, setelah seminggu berada di kl.. ade beberape perkare yg harus saye sesuaikan

diri.... antarenye ialah...

*hujan...ptg2 asik hujan je

*well...traffic jam..argh..tensen!huhu

*wireless lmbat cm kure2..huhu

*makanan..uwah...sminggu dok sini x makan sgt..homesick laa.huhu

*erm...ape lg ek??huwah

actually life kat sini not bad, tp time hujung minggu rase nak kuar je hari2... hahaa.. bankrup la

daaku..eheh..well,,lino u better learn to control ur money!!!wuhuhu

2009-03-03T15:34:00.001+08:00

"Kau telah jauh

Jauh dariku

Tiada ruang di hati buat mu

Namun harus ku akui

Ada ketika di minda kau menjelma kembali"

2009-02-26T17:50:00.003+08:00

U dun buy me flowers,

U dun buy me drinks
U dun drive me anywhere
Totally insane
U used to shop for hours
Till da nite was through
Recently ur ego
Was going through the rules
Baby u need a wake up call
Cause ur way too comfortable
U think because u begged me
U dun have to work at all
It seems like I gotta do wrong
To get ur attention
Maybe when i call dis phantom
U finally start to wake up
I think I’m gonna have to cheat
To keeps ur eyes on me
Or maybe if I made u jealous
U finally start to wake up

2009-02-24T16:34:00.003+08:00

hye..its been a long time i haven't post anything..well, nothing much happened i guess.. i just had da guts to start blogging again..dis time coz i had no one to share..mostly bout what i felt.. what's my disappointment.. mybe they would nt care like i expect them to do.. i just felt lonely.. even tough my friends are with me..they are all great friends.. but i still felt empty inside.. i do laughed,talked so much.. but at the end of the day.. i felt empty..gosh..i seldom share my problems with friends.. but i'm da one to be the first listener to them if they need me.. like emma said.."lino, u r a good advisor.. but why cant u share ur probs with us"?well, i guess i can handle it myself.. no friends needed at dat time..but i'm totally wrong.. i do need them..but i dunno what exactly they give to me..huhu.enough already.. i just hope i'll open the door to let them be part of my story..huu

2008-06-10T20:58:00.003+08:00

today i followed my mom to her office...well..i just can't imagine being her...it must be so tiring. everyday her routine is working and when she comes home,she still have to cook for us. Not that our maid is lazy to cook or what..but mom prefers her cooking to be dine at the table..and yet,its always been delicious and yummy...
i wonder how she become so energetic each and every single day..each problems she had, she faced it professionally..positively and she's just so right almost about everything..i am not saying she's perfect or what..but she is..in my point of view..
i hope i can have her passion..her strength..
i hope i can be more confident like her..
thanx ma for everything...u made me clear how i shud handle life nowadays.

2008-06-09T12:24:00.002+08:00

Yesterday i laughed when i heard my lil bro asked my mom.."mama, mcm mane nk dpt hari yang istimewa?"haha...he asked dat because he told me dat day was da worst day of his life;because he didn't get almost everything dat he wants..well..i think dats funny.."hari yang istimewa"?if i asked myself da same question..i really dunno what to answer..i mean..is there a day dat we can say its da best day of our life? there is..of course..but we seldom felt that we had worst then da best one..i'll say we would not get exactly what we want everyday...there are still sum things that we wont get...or achieved..dats just depends on our luck or ourself to accept it.. as long as we be grateful and enjoy the things that we had...(not sumthing that is possible to get)..then only we can call the day as "hari yang istimewa"...well, to me..as long as i'm always down to earth..surrounded wit everyone's luv..family, friends..with their support and care i think dat shud be enough for me..less quarrel..less misunderstandings or fights..i think dat is da best day of my life..if i can have dat it one day...hmmmmm.....
well...my mom did answer my lil bro..as she said.."well..if u had less tantrums and always listens to mama..u will have dat "hari yang istimewa"...hehe.. i just smiled and said to myself..well..dis kid will surely understand what my mom said.. but i wish he could understands more about love..and relation..other than grieving on ultraman tiga toys dat he didn't get...huhu..but..he's oly 11 yrs old..i'm not blaming him...heeeh

2007-12-12T18:22:00.000+08:00

setelah sehari menghadap baju2 ku,finally i'm ready to go..yeha.. hmm..i've packed light...well..after gone for l.a security..(haha...i'd decreased a lot of things jgak ler)..hehe..and now i'm ready..can't wait to see my friends.miss them a lot,tough..especially...erk..actually nk sgt2 jmpe ila,yanti,jun,keydote..tp diorng plak xdpt g..but still ade izyan,dynat...hehe..erm,i can't wait to be back with my friends again...we'll tell each pther stories...and yeah..it shud be fun rite?i just wanna relax,and havva good time with them..take pictures..gossipin...all da kind of things i'd been longing to do with my fren...hehe..
so,,i guess i can't write too long since i'm not there yet...guess i'll jot longer when i'm back. farewell...and adios..hehe

2007-12-11T18:20:00.000+08:00

ini adalah rakaman yang luar biasa!adik ku si shafiq berdengkur dengan hebatnye mengalahkan bunyi deruman kereta..hahahha!!! u rocks shafiq!!!

2007-07-03T11:37:00.001+08:00

Rite now i felt really scared.i can't control my anger!! like i felt why is it stuck deeply inside the whole of my heart so damn hurt..huhuhu.i'm afraid my anger will kill me someday.i hope it's not.like today, there's two person in this morning make me dissapointed.it's nothing bad they did,actually.it's only i'm so angry and wish to be alone and cry...and urgh.i can't even speak or nod when i'm angry. i just have to be with only myself at that time. and it feels sick.hukhuk. i hide the feelings alone and its torturing me..how i wish i can be more patient and not too sensitive. i mean,not tooooo sensitive i guess.well, i try. i hope so. ouh! someone!! pliss help me vanish this horrible wicked feelung inside. i dun want to be bad. :(

2007-06-23T13:09:00.000+08:00

I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, Myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But Ive got to get a move on with my life
Its time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry
The path that I'm walking
I must go alone
I must take the baby steps until I'm full grown
Fairytales don't always have a happy ending, do they
And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay